It's been awhile since I've posted and its not that I had nothing to talk about, it's just that I didn't want to sound like a whiny baby. At my one week follow up appointment I felt great! The doc told me how wonderful I was doing and that I didn't look like someone who just had surgery a week ago ( and I'd lost 14lbs!)
That night I started to have more pain in my left side but figured that I just overdid it for the day. They next morning it was worse... then horrible by Sunday. So bad that my mom insisted that I go to the ER to be checked out. I had already talked to the doctor on call and he called in flexeril (a muscle relaxer) and Valium to help but the pain was just getting worse. When I got to the ER my blood pressure was 178/103 and my heart rate was 142 due to the pain. But luckily in the end
It was only spasms. According to my doc it only happens to about 1% of patients (lucky me), and usually takes a couple of weeks to pass. He ordered me another muscle relaxer and Percocet to take as well as the other two and to just work through the pain (easier said than done). The pain from these spasms are the worst pains I've ever felt, 10x worse than what I felt after surgery and brought me to tears multiple times.
The good news is that things are starting to look up. The spasms are still there but not nearly as often or as bad. Diet is still a struggle somedays, but I make my self get that protein and water in. I just keep reminding myself that it will get better and will totally be worth it in the end. So far I'm down 26lbs! And hope to be able to exercise once these spasms stop.
Tomorrow WILL be a good day... I insist on it. Until next time :-)
Today sucks. It's been 4 days since surgery and up until now I've felt fairly good- but today had not been fun. Pain wise I'm good, a little sore but nothing major that I can't handle. However overall I feel cruddy. All I want to do is sleep, I take a nap and wake up not feeling refreshed, just wanting to sleep more. I'm also really struggling with my diet. I have no desire for food whatsoever and forcing myself to take in liquids had been brutal. Adding to that the fact that today I've been nauseous most of the day doesn't help. Tomorrow I can advance to full liquids which hopefully will be a good thing if the nausea subsides. I keep telling myself to get through one more week then I can be on soft foods which will basically let me eat a more regular diet and I'm thinking that the pain should be completely gone by then. Here's hoping things start to look up soon!
Today is a new day- and a good one at that! Yesterday sucked. Between the pain/nausea/over sedation I was beginning to wonder what the hell I'd done to my self. The anesthesia made me so incredibly nauseated that nothing seemed to help, and although I expected pain, the severe gas pains under my ribs were no joke! But like I said, today is a new day and in feeling pretty good. My surgeon even commented on how amazed he was that I was doing so well- and to be honest I am too. I still have those awful gas pains but it's so much more tolerable. I've been up and walking the halls nonstop because for one they help with the pains and two I'm bored as hell.
Tomorrow they will send me for a blue dye test to make sure there is no leaking, and if I pass that then I can start liquids and go home !
Well this is it, tomorrow is the big day, and I'm a panicked mess. A million thoughts run through my mind. I wonder if I'm making the right decision, I wonder if I should have just said forget it and try harder to lose it the natural way. I'm afraid of being put under anesthesia for the first time. I wonder if my cold and the fact that my surgeon is being swapped out at the last minute because he is sick too are signs that this shouldn't be done.
I can think of a million reasons to back out at the last minute- but they are all just excuses. And let's face it, as a fat girl I've become a pro at making excuses when it comes to lifestyle changes. So I'm gonna suck it up and take my before pictures (and a sleeping pill) and know that going through this surgery is the right decision and the first step toward the rest of my life.
I'm remixing myself, that's right, me. Last year I hit an all time low; I was generally sad. Not really depressed, but sad with my life as a whole. Sure I put on my happy-go-lucky face for the world and even managed to fool myself a few times, but the truth is I wasn't really happy with my life.
I am fortunate enough to have a job that I truely enjoy, and nursing does have many rewards, but my personal life sucks. I have a few close friends that mean the world to me, but I don't go out and socialize and my love life is nonexistent. One of the biggest things holding me back is my weight, I've always been overweight. For as long as I can remember I was the fat kid in school, but this past year I hit my all time high of 315lbs.
Realizing that I had broken into the 300's devastated me. I didn't want to be 'that' girl. I didn't want to be the blob on the couch that ate herself to death and was only loved by her dog. I also saw my future in my patients. People who let their weight get so out of control that they accumulated major health problems from which they would never fully recover. That's when I started to look at weight loss surgery as an option.
At first I was unsure about going under the knife, but decided to start going to the Weight
loss Center for meetings with a dietician, Cheryl. She was great. She helped me realize that although I considered myself a professional dieter, I've been doing it wrong all my life. I'd start a diet, change everything I ate, Eat NOTHING 'bad' for me, and then a month later I'd give up and go right back to all the crap food. Cheryl helped me to set very small goals with each of our meetings, and by changing only 1 small thing in my diet at a time, the adjustment to healthier food choices became more natural. I met with Cheryl for several months and then thought "heck, I got this. I don't need no stinkin' surgery" and stopped going to my appointments. Of course it wasn't long until I was back in my old habits of over eating and then feeling depressed that I ate too much.
Then New Years Eve I finally said enoughs enough and decided that 2013 would be the year of big things for me. I wanted to do things I normaly wouldn't do. I wanted to take those first steps to changing my life. The first thing I did was book a cruise.
Now to the average person a cruise might not seem like a big deal, but trust me, to me it was HUGE. I booked a spot on the Backstreet Boys cruise to the Bahama - go ahead and snicker but its something I've wanted to do for several years now but always chickened out. I told myself it was too much money, but really its not. I told myself I couldn't because I didn't have a passport - which isn't hard to apply for. I told myself I couldn't because no one would go with me - which is fine since a lot of the cruisers travel alone and make friends there. So I'm going and I can't wait for October to get here!
I've also made some other smaller changes in my life that I won't bore you with but the biggest was going back to Cheryl.
I resumed my path towards gastric bypass surgery with a new found deterimination. I was set on getting this procedure, I knew my LIFE depended on it. And for once it finally felt right.
So here I am. 28 days til surgery and ready for my new life to begin. It wont be an easy path, trust me, I know life after surgery will be hell at first, but the end goal is worth it. I know that not everyone understands or supports my decision to have surgery. I've heard plenty of people tell me that its too drastic, and that if I tried this or that because it worked for so-and-so. Trust me, I've tried almost all of it, but this is the right path for me at this time. So If you're still following me after this super long rambling post I hope you continue to join me on my path to not being that girl in the corner.
BTW - This blog name/post is totally inspired by a New Kids on the Block Song -
Check it out- maybe it could be your anthem too :-)
