I am fortunate enough to have a job that I truely enjoy, and nursing does have many rewards, but my personal life sucks. I have a few close friends that mean the world to me, but I don't go out and socialize and my love life is nonexistent. One of the biggest things holding me back is my weight, I've always been overweight. For as long as I can remember I was the fat kid in school, but this past year I hit my all time high of 315lbs.
Realizing that I had broken into the 300's devastated me. I didn't want to be 'that' girl. I didn't want to be the blob on the couch that ate herself to death and was only loved by her dog. I also saw my future in my patients. People who let their weight get so out of control that they accumulated major health problems from which they would never fully recover. That's when I started to look at weight loss surgery as an option.
At first I was unsure about going under the knife, but decided to start going to the Weight
loss Center for meetings with a dietician, Cheryl. She was great. She helped me realize that although I considered myself a professional dieter, I've been doing it wrong all my life. I'd start a diet, change everything I ate, Eat NOTHING 'bad' for me, and then a month later I'd give up and go right back to all the crap food. Cheryl helped me to set very small goals with each of our meetings, and by changing only 1 small thing in my diet at a time, the adjustment to healthier food choices became more natural. I met with Cheryl for several months and then thought "heck, I got this. I don't need no stinkin' surgery" and stopped going to my appointments. Of course it wasn't long until I was back in my old habits of over eating and then feeling depressed that I ate too much.
Then New Years Eve I finally said enoughs enough and decided that 2013 would be the year of big things for me. I wanted to do things I normaly wouldn't do. I wanted to take those first steps to changing my life. The first thing I did was book a cruise.
Now to the average person a cruise might not seem like a big deal, but trust me, to me it was HUGE. I booked a spot on the Backstreet Boys cruise to the Bahama - go ahead and snicker but its something I've wanted to do for several years now but always chickened out. I told myself it was too much money, but really its not. I told myself I couldn't because I didn't have a passport - which isn't hard to apply for. I told myself I couldn't because no one would go with me - which is fine since a lot of the cruisers travel alone and make friends there. So I'm going and I can't wait for October to get here!
I've also made some other smaller changes in my life that I won't bore you with but the biggest was going back to Cheryl.
I resumed my path towards gastric bypass surgery with a new found deterimination. I was set on getting this procedure, I knew my LIFE depended on it. And for once it finally felt right.
So here I am. 28 days til surgery and ready for my new life to begin. It wont be an easy path, trust me, I know life after surgery will be hell at first, but the end goal is worth it. I know that not everyone understands or supports my decision to have surgery. I've heard plenty of people tell me that its too drastic, and that if I tried this or that because it worked for so-and-so. Trust me, I've tried almost all of it, but this is the right path for me at this time. So If you're still following me after this super long rambling post I hope you continue to join me on my path to not being that girl in the corner.
BTW - This blog name/post is totally inspired by a New Kids on the Block Song -
Check it out- maybe it could be your anthem too :-)
http://youtu.be/PN1EFs9XQoc
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